amazingly wonderful

on the real tho, y’all gas me up too much (makes me wonder how delusional other tumblr users might be). you guys literally had me thinking that i was doing the right thing when it came to talking to someone i really liked and i ended up losing their complete attention. and it’s tough. wanting someone to acknowledge your existence that badly. even when the people that have tried to check me by saying that only i could truly acknowledge and give meaning to my own existence, i ignored them and still wanted this. i felt like i had spent such a (subjective) long time depending on myself, waiting and growing patiently so that i would never forget a wrong i ever committed against an ex, and trying to give myself my own meaning that it grew to be overwhelming like no other. it was fucking exhausting. i considered myself ready to depend on someone, no matter how short/long it was, i just wanted to do/end it right. and instead it ended like some kind of weak ass high school relationship… & you know that feeling of disgust and apprehensiveness you get after you bust when you’re masturbating? that is p much what this girl feels towards me. tbh, that is a totally natural feeling that only a mature person would be able to face, because its normal for shit to die down once  someone busts after hitting any kind of climax with someone else. but to think that this whole short duration might have just been one big climax for her, while i was seriously fighting my own doubts every single day…but i know how this was hard for her too and idek. like…i never ignored a girl for making me bust. ESPECIALLY if i wanted her to but apparently this girl don’t even want to bother with me anymore and all i can think of is fuckin karma

i thought myself as moved on already but it’s like i resumed my normal activities. even now im posting selfies for attention ‘n shit

i’ve never been so misguided before in my life.

but tbh, you know what is even more exhausting?

trying to stay away from being accountable for your words/actions.

happiness never comes from drifting about aimlessly.
 strength comes from a foundation, a foundation takes resolve, and resolve takes courage. nothing so cheesy could ever be so right, and i really do want to believe that even really fuckin sad and pathetic lessons like these are here to better myself. i guess i just chose the wrong time/person/place to put my game face on. but i’m still sticking by how i feel, because i don’t know any other way to do it.

Kindness is not a hard enough currency.

Respect is.

Fear is.

L—-? Not so much.

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It’s better to have nobody, than to have someone who is half there, or doesn’t want to be there.

- Unknown (via parlouz)

(Source: psych-facts)


if i can be theirs, why can’t i be yours

(Source: bonerbae)

for the longest time i didn’t know how to make sense of all the conflict i felt inside of me when i was being a bad person back in home. it hurt to see my friends treat others like this, and i was doing the same shit alongside them. it’s like we were all waiting for someone to say, “hey maybe this is going a little too far" but no one ever did. so we continued as we were, and we all eventually paid the price for it. some are locked up in prison, some disappeared, a lot of them are still stuck at home. rotting away by working part-time jobs and staying with each other. jenny, it was as if all the "fun" we had had been loaned to us…with interest. it wasn’t until i started using websites like blogspot/tumblr my sophomore/junior year that i found my inner voice and was able to discern what was bad to my future. idk i’ve spent so much time believing in this, and it’s taken me so far. i trusted my my own resolve, but i don’t even know anymore. i’ve trusted myself to say all the words i’ve said to you..and now i only feel regret because you didn’t even want them. i thought you did. and they meant everything to me because they were meant for you.

Can I call you? I miss the sound of your voice.

- s.r. (via foyd)

(Source: whereoursoulmeetsbody)

It’s not that I want to fall with you. I want to lead by example, even if that means taking the long route to show myself just how strong a weak person like me can be. But it doesn’t seem right. Like something is wrong. I think I might know what it is, but I can’t even bring myself to say it. So right now I can’t afford to compromise what I believe in. I’m already making mistakes. I’ve been making mistakes. But how could I discredit all the fuckin’ blind faith and recklessness (which needs to stop) that has made my life so….natural and blessed. It truly feels like I’m in my element. When the odds were set against me. When people gave up on me, I managed to come through for myself and gain their support back. My friends. There were so many moments where I wasn’t able to be there for myself and others. I felt shitty about it and even now there are things still eating away at me that I haven’t told anyone. But it’s that guilt that drives me to be my best when the time is right. But I am so ashamed bc it feels like I didn’t quite reach your expectations…but it is through those kinds of conviction that I will become who I want to be. Maybe then you’ll think I’m great.

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I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone.


Dan Howell (via corruptional)

That’s what psychology is for!

(via confessionsofananarchist)

(Source: phanjam)